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iQuestions Faculty, Joe White 
 
 
Question: 
 
How do parents help our kids find their identity in Christ? 
 
Answer:  
 
Helping our children find their identity in Christ has got to be one of 
the most important things we can do as parents.  
 
If my child—be my child five years old or my child is sixteen years old 
or my child is grown and having kids of their own—can understand 
that their identity, that who they are, that their mirror is really Christ, 
that they really are who He sees rather than who the world sees or 
who their peers see, then I’ve given them one of the greatest gifts I 
can give them. 
 
I think of three things when I think about helping my kids find their 
identity in Christ. First of all, the inescapable truth is that I’ve got to 
live it before them. Jesus, if He was anything, He was a great forgiver.  
 
I have got to be broken and humble before my kids. I made so many 
mistakes as a parent. I was just clumsy. My home has a lot of bruises 
and bumps. And when I would fail as a parent, which happened a lot, 
some of the greatest times I had with my kids was when I would just 
go to them humbly and just say, “I’m sorry. I blew it. My attitude 
wasn’t right in that encounter that we just had, and I have to ask for 
forgiveness.” So, the kids would see in me, as difficult as it was for 
me, they would see some of those attributes.  
 
Another attribute that the kids need to see in their mom and they need 
to see in their dad—because this was Jesus in a picture frame—was 
 
 
the servant side of Christ. And, the greatest way I can show my kids 
what Jesus looks like is to be a servant. To be the one at the sink 
washing the dishes—that’s one of my most important jobs in the 
home, is washing the dishes—or vacuuming the floor or sweeping up 
messes, and doing it with joy. Because, if Jesus was anything, He was 
a foot washer.  
 
So, as kids see in me, serving my wife, adoring her, adoring the kids, 
then they’re going to pick up those qualities of Jesus.  
 
Of course, the second inescapable truth to helping my kids find their 
identity in Christ is teaching them. And for us, it was at night. Our 
teaching times were just before the kids would go to bed. It was the 
only time my kids were still. But, I would get to lay by the kids at 
night, and I would get to teach them just a little bit from the Word of 
God each night before they went to bed—a Bible verse that would help 
them. 
 
I remember one time when Cooper was five years old—he was a 
darling little roly-poly little guy, he was my last little guy—and I was 
actually traveling, I was in Nashville, Tennessee, and I called home 
about 9:30. My wife was just dying laughing. And I said, “What’s so 
funny?” She said, “Before I took Cooper to bed I was laying by him 
and memorizing a Bible verse with him, and he said, “Hey Mom, I want 
to memorize another Bible verse so when Daddy comes home I can 
tell it to him.” And she said, “Well, a good verse to memorize is 
Ephesians 6:1-2, “Children, obey your parents, for this is pleasing to 
God.’”  
 
And he looked at her and he said, “That’s not in there.” And she said, 
“What?” And he said, “That verse isn’t in there, you just made that 
up!” And she was dying laughing, on the phone. And I was too.  
 
White -2- 
 
 
But, I find myself as a parent doing that too. I find something that 
really asks me to show my kids their identity in Christ. “Love your wife 
as Christ loved the church.” That’s a tough one, and I want to say, 
“God, that’s not in there.” But it is in there.  
 
So, when I model to my kids, even in the hard times, and then I teach 
them at night that their identity is in Christ, then when a seventh 
grade girl is going through anorexia or bulimia, or when an eighth 
grade boy is being asked by a girl to go home with her to experiment 
with sex, then that boy or that girl is going to see the mirror of Christ 
in front of their face, because they’ve seen it in their mom, and/or 
they’ve seen it in their dad.  
 
They’ve seen it in the Word of God, in those little teaching times that 
you have, and they’re going to make their decision based on who they 
see when they look in the eyes of Christ. 
White -3- 
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