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iQuestions Faculty, June Hunt 
 
 
Question: 
 
Others tell me I have a controlling personality and manipulate my 
family. I see a strong personality. How do I know if what they tell me 
is true? If so, how do I change?  
 
Answer: 
 
It’s very challenging, very difficult to be around controlling people.  
 
I want to say that, first of all, when you have been accused of being 
controlling, evaluate, “Is it true? How would I know if I’m controlling? 
And, if true, where did this come from?” 
 
The bottom line is, you can get people—at least some people—to do 
what you want them to do. You can control them if they cave in to 
manipulation—your manipulation. But, is that really the kind of 
relationship you want? Wouldn’t you rather have a relationship where 
it’s positive? Where the two of you are doing things together because 
of enjoyment—because there’s mutual respect? That’s what you really 
want. 
 
Ultimately, the way you get there is to quit being the controller. And, 
instead you give control of yourself over to the Lord, asking Him to 
take control of your life. That’s what the word “Lord” means. “Believe 
in the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved.” (Acts 16:31) Meaning, 
you give Him control of your life. You’re not the orchestrater. Every 
day that’s where you begin; “God, today I give You control. I don’t 
want to be controlling. I’m not going to be the manipulator. May I 
totally cooperate with whatever You want for me. Whatever You plan 
for me. In my relationships, I will be pleased with that. I will submit to 
 
that. I’m going to quit being the controller, and let You have Your 
rightful control over me and future events.” 
 
And pray, “Thank you, God, that I don’t have to manipulate anymore, 
that I don’t have to try to get my needs met to feel significant—to feel 
powerful. I don’t have to use that. You give me Your power. I’ve been 
given Your power because I have Christ in me, and He will find 
expression through me.” 
 
That’s His plan and desire for you. 
 
  
 
 
 
 
 
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