To download a printable version of this transcript, click here.
 
iQuestions Faculty, June Hunt 
 
 
Question: 
 
I realize that I’m in an unhealthy codependent relationship. How can I 
change it to become healthy?  
 
Answer: 
 
Co-dependency is one of the fairly new words today in our culture. The 
problem though, is that it is an old problem. By the way, I know what 
it is like to be co-dependent, not even knowing what the word meant 
at the time.  
 
The problem is, a co-dependent person has a relationship addiction. 
Think about a seesaw. In a seesaw, you think of balancing up and 
down.  Well, in a co-dependent relationship, we’re talking about an 
out-of-balance relationship. There’s one here at the top who appears 
strong, and then there’s one who feels weak. The weak one assumes, 
“I need the strong one to be strong.” The strong one—at least, the one 
who appears strong—actually is weak. Because, you see, the strong 
one needs the weak one to stay weak. Because, the one who appears 
strong feels quite powerful, feels significant: “I’m needed.” 
 
What’s the problem with this? When I say that it’s a relationship 
addiction, it’s saying, “I have to have this.” A person who’s an addicted 
person has an addiction, for example, to alcohol: “I have to have it. 
It’s necessary for my life.” A sexual addict: “I have to have sex. It’s 
vital to my life. It’s the most important thing in my life.” 
 
In truth, what is God’s perspective? God says, “Ye shall have no other 
gods before me.” No other God. Well, a person can actually be like a 
god for you—more important than God ever intended. Now, He 
 
intended us to have relationships, but at times where there is a co-
dependent relationship, it’s compromising your value system. It’s 
sometimes lying, just to appease the other person. It’s feeling, “I have 
to have you pleased with me. I have to have you wanting me. I’m 
scared to death you might leave me. And so, I will do anything, 
anything at all, so that you will not leave.” 
 
So, what do you do if you are in that out-of-balance relationship?  First 
of all, you admit the truth. You admit, “I have a misplaced priority.” So 
what you do is you say, “Lord, You are my God. I’m not going to allow 
this unhealthiness to persist. In fact, I will let go of my neediness, and 
I will recognize that I need You, Lord. I’m going to look to You.”  
Because, in Philippians 4:19, the Bible says: “My God will supply all 
your needs, according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus.” 
 
You need Him first, and then let Him enable you to give, in a healthy 
way, friendship, love, and care to another person. That way, you can 
be at peace. 
 
 
 
 
Page -2- 
To download a printable version of this transcript, click here.