To download a printable version of this transcript, click here.
 
iQuestions Faculty, June Hunt 
 
 
Question: 
 
I was victimized as a child, and it has played into most of my 
relationships since. I’m drawn to those who manipulate me. How do I 
escape this cycle? 
 
Answer: 
 
Every one of us at one time or another has felt powerless. In other 
words, when you think of being a victim, that means you are genuinely 
powerless to stop whatever it is that has been happening. 
 
I’m going to give you some major steps—I call them “major moves”—
to move out of manipulation. 
 
First of all, you decide, “I am not going to be dependent upon the 
manipulator anymore”. There’s something key here. Don’t defend 
yourself. It will not work.  
 
Now, you’re going to be accused of, “You’re so uncaring. You’re not 
being right. You’re not being loving.” No, you’re being loving, in terms 
of “this is what is best.” You caving in—you being manipulated, is not 
best for the relationship.  
 
Realize that Ecclesiastes 3:7 says, “There is a time to tear and a time 
to mend.” You need to tear yourself away from the unhealthiness of 
the relationship.  You can defend yourself once, by the way. But, don’t 
keep doing it again because it won’t work. 
 
Now, you have to stop one thing in particular. Stop trying to be the 
need-meeter of the other person. If that person says, “You’re not 
 
doing what I need you to do,” you’re not the need-meeter. It may be 
that God needs to be the need-meeter of that person. In fact, that is 
the truth. 
 
So nullify your need to meet all of the expectations of the manipulator. 
Realize that God did not design you to meet all of anybody’s needs—or 
else that person wouldn’t need God. Commit to memory this passage: 
“Am I now trying to win the approval of men or of God? Am I trying to 
please men?” (Galatians 1:10)  That means, you yield yourself to Him, 
let Him have you. And at that point, you will be able to have victory to 
move away from being manipulated, to move out of that unhealthy 
manipulation, so that you can be all that God created you to be.  And 
then you will find genuine joy. 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Page -2- 
To download a printable version of this transcript, click here.