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iQuestions Faculty, June Hunt
Question:
How do I move past the pain of childhood sexual abuse in my own life?
Answer:
There’s nothing that penetrates the heart of a child more than
childhood sexual abuse. It penetrates in such a way that there is true
damage done.
What do you do so that you won’t continue, as an adult, to be a
victim? In other words, victimization occurs when you are powerless.
You’re genuinely powerless to do anything about the situation, which is
true in the case of childhood sexual abuse.
Children do not have the skills, they don’t have the ability, and they
haven’t been trained to withstand childhood sexual abuse. Most
children have not been trained, they are told, “obey your elders.” Well,
that can be someone six months older than the child.
The point is, when there has been victimization, it can move into a
victim’s mentality. You see, the power that keeps you in bondage is
keeping the secret. We’re only as sick as our secrets. The power for
healing is letting go of the secret. It’s truth that sets us free.
If you have been ravaged by childhood sexual abuse—even though it
was not your shame, or your guilt, and regardless of the situation or
what happened afterwards, and regardless of what you did as a result
of the abuse, including the things you’re not proud of—you need to
talk it out. Pain expressed is pain released.
Then I suggest that you actually consider going and confronting the
perpetrator, when it is safe. Why? Because typically, a victim feels
powerless. So, here’s the victimizer who may be in the family, who
may be the parent, or someone at church, or wherever, but the
problem is never addressed.
I know a woman, a singer, very talented, and very gifted. She had
been victimized by her brother, but had never spoken of it. She
became a Christian and went to him one day. She called him on the
phone, flew into town, and set up this meeting. “I want to talk with
you.” He thought it would just be, you know, brother-sister comments
and conversation. She said, “I want you to know that I remember the
sexual abuse that occurred between the two of us. I remember what
you’ve done. I remember many things that I’ve never spoken of, and I
have chosen to forgive you. I want you to come to know Jesus in a
personal way, because, you see, He’s changed my life. He’s truly
healed me. And, I want you to know Him, because He can make all the
difference in the world, in your life.”
Although most perpetrators deny anything happened, realize your
words, by God’s Spirit, can be used in the perpetrator’s mind.
I’ll tell you what happened in this true situation. Three weeks later,
this man came face-to-face with his depravity, his sin, his wrong-doing
and accepted Jesus Christ as his personal Lord and Savior. He has a
changed life through Christ.
Face the truth of your past victimization. Face the truth that you need
to tell someone. Face the truth that it’s not your guilt, it’s not your
shame, and face the truth that God offers healing. In Proverbs 34:18
the Bible says, “The Lord is close to the broken-hearted, and saves
those who are crushed in spirit.” He knows you have been broken-
hearted, and He has hope and help for you.
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